"Proceed With Caution"

“Better safe than sorry, instead of searching for substance at every single party. Maybe being part of this life we feel like we bound to end up with somebody that’s been with everybody.”

Drake gave s the harsh reality of what life may have for us in this society. From high school until our late 20’s we spend times at parties, clubs, speed dating and etc searching for that someone. Trying to find that quality, that aura and that intriguing factor, intellectually savvy;  basically searching for that substance Drake refers to. The thing is while we are searching we waste years of our life away looking for these things in the wrong places. The reality of it all though is stated within the second part of this verse. “Being a part of this life and society we are we are bound to end up with somebody that’s been with everybody.” Now this not always the case, but it is a tough pill to swallow and for the average American this is the scary reality of life and a strong possibility of finding a significant other.  The fear of being single forever. The fear that what you’re searching for, we may never find. The fear of being with someone who possibly may have been with someone you know or who has been with way more people than you.  So that rewinds this blog back to the initial words of the verse. “Better safe than sorry.” Thing is we don’t believe in being safe. The possibility of safe doesn’t cross our minds until we’ve been hit a couple times. With dudes safe is weakness. Safe keep guys from exploring possibilities of other women. With girls, safe is always portrayed and shown but exploration is in the back of their cerebral capacity. Not being safe 9 times out of ten brings the result of being sorry. Being sorry results in bitterness about life. Being upset that the ambitions and dreams of our never came true because of a lack of safety. Dreams of marriage, dreams of having that family and so much more are prolonged for every day, of every week, of every month, of every year we continue to ignore safety. The thing is how do we pick to drive this vehicle of life and love? Do we drive it down the highway doing 25 over the limit with no seatbelt on, or do we drive it doing the limit with our seatbelts on? The vehicle of love and life isn’t as hard to drive as we make it out to be. Moral of this blog: Buckle up while driving.

The 80/20 Fallacy

In relationship we are all aware of the 80/20 rule. The rule that states that the person you’re with can give you no more than 80% of what you need/want and the other 20% lies in others outside of the relationship. The thing is can we really accept the fact that the person we are in a relationship with is only suppose to give us 80% of what we need. Let’s take it to another level, let’s take it to marriage since this is where the rule is used the most. Is your spouse is really suppose to only give you 80% of what you need and leave your mind to wonder about the other 20. I don’t think so. To avoid the 80/20 rule all that is needed is one thing….COMMUNICATION. The things that we would like for our counter parts to do or change, is all about communicating that to them. If we want them to change their attitude, we communicate that to them! If we want them to change how they show affection, we communicate that to them! If we want to try to work on a physical aspect(within reason), we communicate that to them! The older generation says personal, face to face communication is a lost art with us. In part due to the rising advances in technology of communicating. Then on being the receiving end of this we also must be able to make our counter parts feel that we can be the 100% that they need and not give their minds time to wonder about the 20 because there isn’t a 20% if 100% is already present. It is our duty to strive to give our absolute best, to strive for excellence. To strive to make sure that without a doubt the other person knows that we want to do so much and more for them, but we don’t do this as humans. We get complacent with being the 80 and feel our work is done and feel that 100% is unobtainable. How can we judge what is unobtainable if we don’t try to obtain it? We feel that they won’t leave us, but when they do, we are left looking stupid. With all this presented it bring me to the premise that the doctrine of the 80/20 rule isn’t a rule at all, but in all retrospect it is a full blown fallacy and even more of an excuse. An excuse to be unfaithful, an excuse to lie, an excuse for us to hold back from giving all of ourselves because we feel we can or we are suppose to only give or do so much, an excuse to venture outside the yard and see for ourselves what else is out there. Realistically there is no 80/20 but the lazy and complacent vs. inspired and desireful spirits of our selves. Moral of this blog: Go against the numbers.

Simple Beauty

“Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make-up on. That’s when your prettiest hope you don’t take this wrong.”

This has to one of the truest things that has ever been said. Simplicity is the key to any women’s beauty. Yes a woman that is dressed up is attractive, but a woman that doesn’t indulge in all the superficiality of beauty, lives in the simplicity of life and beauty itself is the sexiest creature God has ever created. Honestly, no guy like a girl that always stays with make up on, guys love simple appearance. The simplicity of the appearance gives off the vibe of relaxation and gives a guy that mentality of looking at his girl as his best friend for real. Ladies feel that they always have to be dolled up to impress their guy, but when just relaxing with him or relaxing with him and his friends, a guy just wants a simple girl. When you look at it all simple girls will most of the time keep their relationship because their man looks at them as their true companion because of the simple company she provides. The complex girls caught in superficial glamour of always being made-up, coached out and hair always having to be done, will always be alone because most guys honestly don’t want all that. Most guys when looking for a girl to be within the long run look for that simple girl. Simple when it comes to beauty, simple when it come to attitude and simple when it comes to life. Simple girls have simple attitudes. It’s not the material, it’s the not the glamour that drives them, but being that true, true best friend to their guy is what they strive for and in the end that is what their guy will love and appreciate the most and love the most out of their girl is when that is their demeanor and that is why women are the most beautiful when they are not dressed up.  Moral of this blog: Simplicity= Sexiness

Passion, Pain, Pleasure

Passion, Pain, Pleasure….Not talking about Trey Songz album and how it went through stages of relationships but it’s much deeper than that. Passion, Pain and Pleasure are the stages of life itself. We start off as a young child with no worries and no cares and our passion for life is at an all time high. We are just as natural to the world as clouds are to the sky. We live not stressed, not hassled but with a calmness about us makes life like heaven. After these years there comes the pain. The pain of responsibility, the pain of relationships, the pain of let downs and it leaves us lost in this place that we once used to wonder mindlessly and freely in. We are now held hostage and enslaved in our minds to the world and things of it. We are now the captives of life instead of captivating life. So through the struggle we spend our days thinking of the future and when we will once be free again like we once were and that leads to the Pleasure. Now pleasure can be broken into two cycles. The first is the pleasure of making it through the pain and being free and having life in the palm of our hands instead of being held by life. The second part of Pleasure is death, a bit twisted I know. The pleasure of death is knowing that we can completely once again be free and reach a place that has no struggles and turmoil, but everlasting peace and that is heaven, at least for most of us it is. Moral of this blog: Life is a roller coaster, but the destination we reach is better than the ride.

X Factor of Trust

“I love you.”…. When we say that what is included in that word love. Is it you are attractive to me, I think about you all the time, is it I want to spend my life with you etcetera, etcetera. The key thing that needs to come out of the statement “I Love You” is that I am going to trust you. The essential thing is that there can’t be any love if there is no trust, because to say you love someone is saying that you’re going to give them all of you, your heart and soul and trust that they won’t fail you, it’s pretty much sacrificing all of you to the other person. If you can’t trust the person you’re with then there can be no love. Trust is the key component. Attraction, lust and chemistry are nice and all but the prime factor has to be trust but trust is the scariest part of it because it leaves us vulnerable because of how much of ourselves we give to that person and that is why trust shows true love. Yes we find it hard to trust another human being with ourselves because we know that we as humans mess up every day and that’s why it’s scary to trust someone to not mess up with us. So the question is, can we truly trust anyone? Call this the X factor. Moral of this blog: Love doesn’t exist without trust.

What Will Be Your Eulogy

At funerals we always have people crying, it’s only natural. Over my time I’ve come to realize that the amount of tears shared is the reciprocal of the emotions about the person that died. It’s kind of like an emotional math problem. But after this life what will we be remembered for individually. It’s a crazy thought to think of you being a ghost at your own funeral and just being able to see and hear what people would have to say about your life. The big question in the scheme of things is what would I remembered for. If I died today what would Kalvin Jeffery Hilliard Jr. be remembered as by the people who knew me? Will the pastor have to lie at your eulogy to portray you in another light? Have you done the things in life that if you died today you would be proud of? Because the things that we do now will mold the way people feel about us even after we’re dead. I mean look at history. We learn about past events and a lot of dead people, and not only the huge things they did but also things in their personal life. Moral of this blog: Prepare the eulogy you want while you’re alive.

Can't Find What's Not Lost

The most irrational statement I’ve ever heard from human is “we need to find ourselves.” The question I ask is where did ourselves go? How can we find ourselves when we were never loss? I don’t think there has ever been a moment when the mind, spirit and soul have detached from the body. If that is the case then how is it that we can be lost when all parts are intact. We live our selves every second of every minute of every hour of every day. We know our feelings, emotions and thoughts. So it’s not that we are trying to find ourselves because we were never lost but it is us acting on the feelings, emotions and thoughts that we have had our entire life.  So in essence it’s not that we are finding ourselves but our selves are being expressed freely with our consent. The Moral of the blog: You can’t find what’s not lost, it’s all been there the whole time.

Future Is Always In Our Present View

In Forrest Gump Forrest says “Mama says life is like a box of chocolates. You never go what you gonna get.” I’d like to say like is a pair of binoculars. You look out far enough and you can see what’s coming. I think we get caught up and fail to be realistic and see what is to come. Thing is it scares us to really open our eyes and look hard into the horizon and see if the sun is shining or if a big asteroid is coming to wipe us out. “Then at the end we’re left asking how I’d this happen, I didn’t see it coming.” When in reality we saw it coming all along but we just put the binoculars down when we saw what the outcome would be but that it would change along the way. The moral of the blog: Never put your binoculars down.

Your Handshake Is Not Matching Your Smile

The crazy thing is that the people, who smile in our face, give us hugs and handshakes are some of the ones that are most likely to plot on us and do things behind our back. The crazy thing is we all have "spidey senses" that are tingling but we ignore them and give the benefit of the doubt. The thing is, spidey senses are never wrong. People always say we call it snakes in the grass because of the idea that you can't see them, but its more like snakes in the sand because we see them creepin, we here them rattling, but we ignore the warning. Moral of this blog: Keep your friends close and everyone else at a distance.