Poem: My Calm

I’m just so far gone, in my own zone

Please leave me alone.

Cut from life’s hurt, I'm putting nesporing on.

My soul is not at home, just what is going on?

Where did I go wrong? Where do I belong?

Caught up in this life, standing in the wind and the storm.

Recognizing that when it rains, I’m the one it’s raining on.

Seeing that people in my life are really never set in stone.

My grandma always saying that she loves me on the phone

But it never replaces the fact that my granddad is dead and gone.

Right now I feel so distant from all my friends that I know.

Who’s real and who’s not is constantly sitting on my dome.

Loops that I get thrown, lies that I’ve been told

I go distances to protect myself that I shouldn’t have to go.

Through these past 2 years, look at just how much that I have grown.

I’m just in my zone. I call this blog My Calm.

Yea, but I’m the furthest thing from calm

Dedicate this to my soul, trying to warm it from being cold.

Just drowning out my agony in the words of this poem.

But you can see it in my eyes, you can read it in my palm.

As a human you get betrayed, it’s proven and it’s known.

sitting in this desk, but what’s  going on I just don’t know.

I know I always worry, it’d be better if I don’t.

(Just how I’m feeling, Just my emotions. I apologize to you now,

Putting ya’ll in this position, but I learned from Drake don’t ask

Permission, just ask forgiveness. So forgive me.)

My life is so insane

Cause 80% of my smiles, is just me in a disguise.

And people around me cant open me up if they tried.

Cause I’m skeptical of everyone around me at this time.

They love it when I smile

unaware that it's a strain,

Taking heed to all the things

that my consciousness has been saying.

Women need attention therefore women will complain

Develop stats bout me and say that I’m the one to blame.

Trying to enjoy myself with my guys is not same,

I just wish they knew how much this all weighed like Dwayne.

It’s a weight that’s on my chest whoever spotting me is playing

So I’m lifting all alone trying not to get a sprain.

Hoping Jesus can one day do a mindset exchange.

Cause my life called and it’s just trying to go back to the old me again.

Like how I used to joke and laugh without it being a strain

But now it’s like I laugh and joke just to ease the pain.

And I can only feel this pain.

Cause in this cold world, to hold it in is to be a man.

So I’m writing out another blog, expressing me once again.

People say they love me, I just hope it’s not in vain.

Wondering why people keep mentioning my name,

I press ignore on your text, not really caring what they saying.

As a man I’m just honest, and as a lover I’m a king

With my own set of problems that be sitting on my brain.

Yep, and see this is the thang.

This simple thing as blogging is the way maintain.

The things I think while staring out the window of my class

Is the single handed reason why I move on with the past.